Something I Hate About Me...
I can't be happy with what I have. I'm always wishing I had more. Always wanting what other people have. Watching them be happy makes me realize how utterly unhappy I am.
Always feeling like I'm an observer who's just not good enough to play the game.
It's ok...I suck at most games anyway.
But I want to play the game. I want to be the queen. I'll even settle for being a pawn. I think that's better than not playing at all.
But I suck at the game.
I got to play for a while. But I lost. Big time. But at least I got to play, right? That would satisfy most people. But, oh no. Not I. I must win. I must play. I must be a part of everything. I can't stand to just watch.
I'll just have to watch. There's nothing else I can do. I'll just stand on the sidelines and cheer you on. While deep inside my longing to play eats away at all that smiles and laughs within me. While it burns the core of what I am. Of what I've become. Of what you made me.
I'm filled with hate for what I am. I want to be satisfied. I want to be happy. I should be able to be happy. I think I deserve it.
But Someone out there decided to tease me. To show me what it's like to be winning for a while. Then tore it away. "Fuck you, Kyssa. You don't get that. I was just kidding." Thanks.
Then I just sit here feeling sorry for myself. That's why I'm a bad person. I hate that about me.
Always feeling like I'm an observer who's just not good enough to play the game.
It's ok...I suck at most games anyway.
But I want to play the game. I want to be the queen. I'll even settle for being a pawn. I think that's better than not playing at all.
But I suck at the game.
I got to play for a while. But I lost. Big time. But at least I got to play, right? That would satisfy most people. But, oh no. Not I. I must win. I must play. I must be a part of everything. I can't stand to just watch.
I'll just have to watch. There's nothing else I can do. I'll just stand on the sidelines and cheer you on. While deep inside my longing to play eats away at all that smiles and laughs within me. While it burns the core of what I am. Of what I've become. Of what you made me.
I'm filled with hate for what I am. I want to be satisfied. I want to be happy. I should be able to be happy. I think I deserve it.
But Someone out there decided to tease me. To show me what it's like to be winning for a while. Then tore it away. "Fuck you, Kyssa. You don't get that. I was just kidding." Thanks.
Then I just sit here feeling sorry for myself. That's why I'm a bad person. I hate that about me.
posted by Kyssa at 7/26/2005 08:26:00 AM
4 Comments:
I'm sorry.
Stop apologizing. There's nothing any of you did to make me feel the way I do. Please realize that just because I feel an emotion, it doesn't mean you somehow caused it.
Maybe what they mean to say is "I'm sorry you feel that way." When people apologize it doesn't always mean that they are sorry for something they did, but for what you are going through. They are sorry you have to deal with those emotions that tear you up inside.
what do you like about you...? you mentioned what you hate, now talk about the thing you love about you. they may just balance each other out. concentrate more on the positive than the negative.
Post a Comment
<< Home