Yellow Bellied Fool
Some of the stuff I write on here is true, and some of it is just stuff that I write for fun, to relax.
But this time, I'm actually really scared. I can't pick up the phone. I can't make that appointment. My head is killing me. My neck hurts. My mouth hurts. I've taken too many pain killers today. But I can't make myself pick up that damn phone. I have the number right in front of me. I've written notes to myself and put them on my desk, in my planner, on my closet, next to my bed. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that there's something really wrong. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to have my jaw broken. Or have some kind of surgery. My hands shake. My throat dries up. My lips tremble. My jaw clenches. My knees lock. I can't see straight. I push the wrong numbers.
And I think it's getting worse. My jaw is so tense. It pops every time I open it. I must be clenching it while I sleep because the pain wakes me up at night. I'm not supposed to be afraid. I shouldn't be afraid of anything. I should be braver.
And the worst part about it is that I'm hurting myself. I'm so used to blaming someone else, or trying to at least. But this time it's my own fault. And now I'm just angry and scared.
But this time, I'm actually really scared. I can't pick up the phone. I can't make that appointment. My head is killing me. My neck hurts. My mouth hurts. I've taken too many pain killers today. But I can't make myself pick up that damn phone. I have the number right in front of me. I've written notes to myself and put them on my desk, in my planner, on my closet, next to my bed. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that there's something really wrong. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to have my jaw broken. Or have some kind of surgery. My hands shake. My throat dries up. My lips tremble. My jaw clenches. My knees lock. I can't see straight. I push the wrong numbers.
And I think it's getting worse. My jaw is so tense. It pops every time I open it. I must be clenching it while I sleep because the pain wakes me up at night. I'm not supposed to be afraid. I shouldn't be afraid of anything. I should be braver.
And the worst part about it is that I'm hurting myself. I'm so used to blaming someone else, or trying to at least. But this time it's my own fault. And now I'm just angry and scared.
posted by Kyssa at 3/13/2006 11:05:00 PM
3 Comments:
who says ur not supposed to be afraid? u can if u want to. so go for it. just be kind to urself and make the pain go away and the only way to do that is to pick up that phone. we're here ready to hold ur hand. everything will be fine, especially after u make that call. just remember that no matter what, it sure will be better in the end, so u might as well do it sooner than later, rite? god bless, u'll be fine. get it checked out so the pain will decease
But you sent me a postcard to cheer me up. So I'll send you a post card to cheer you up if you're sick, soon.
Remember the only way to make the pain go away is to confront it. You can do it. We are here for you. Don't worry ok. much love
Post a Comment
<< Home